Whod you bang
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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