If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
