just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
