I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
