I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
