Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
