Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
