Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
