It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
