Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
