My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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