I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
