i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
