How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
