Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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