I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
