i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
