Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
