I bet he comes in French.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
