Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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