I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize