the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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