Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
