she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
