Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We named our party play list daddy issues
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
