Dude my mom stole all your condoms
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
