Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
