why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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