Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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