YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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