oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
