You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
