I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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