How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
