so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
