i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
