You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
