I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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