I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
