He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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