That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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