What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
