No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
