So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
