Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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