Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
