dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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