We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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