Little spoons don't ask big questions
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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