from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
