i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
