So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize