guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
