Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
