she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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