how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
be right there i have to get my cape
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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