my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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