Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
