Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
