I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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