I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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