I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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