how can u be prego again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
