Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
