Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
