she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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