She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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