Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
