This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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