yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Found the puke drawer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
