Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He? As in you personified your dick?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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