I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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