Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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