dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
