For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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