Soap is not a condiment
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize