My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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