nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
