This gyro tastes like lonliness
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
