Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just high enough for therapy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
