Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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