i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
