onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
