let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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