The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
